License To Chill?

I think I'll just start with a sweet sombre Hello. (The "Ayoowatup"s are too pretentious for my comfort)

This is Paritosh's Patience speaking. I'm famous for not wearing out easily(subtle flex?), I'm sure his close ones will affirm. But as he drove up into the Driving License Institute, I just knew something was off; I felt it in my gut. When probed the day before, the agent's reply "2-3 taas tar laagal aaramat"(It'll take 2-3 hours easily) didn't seem very assuring either.

Paritosh was 15 mins early as always, " familiarizing oneself with the test center premises helps one calm down" being the mantra he tries to live by (pretty sure he lifted this off some shoddy blog). The agent's associate supposed to smoothen out the process for us hadn't arrived yet. Calling him repeatedly while standing in a rather long queue for an 8 am appointment, Paritosh seemed unflustered but I sensed the impending doom staring us in the face. After paying a 100 buck receipt, the wait period officially started. An hour went by, and the associate had now started rejecting calls. Three years of living in Pune had armed us with the knowledge that 10 mins never actually mean 10 mins, it's usually an hour away if you're lucky. The associate finally arrived, his diminutive figure immediately 'taking control' of the situation at hand. Jet-black aviators (golden rimmed of-course), a mustache that'll render Park and Rec's Ron Swanson effeminate and a half-tucked burgundy checked shirt...god that was an unhealthy amount of drip to handle no cap. Given the litany of unanswered calls, he guided his subordinates to give us preference, and things had finally started looking up.

Our batch of 20 was ushered to the gradient test spot and promptly provided the reins to the vehicle. Several piffling smiles unfurled between the batch, for the vehicle was a WagonR which seemed to be in prime condition, or well so we thought. When Paritosh entered the vehicle,he found it a big cardboard box, the dashboard and back seats detached,and the seat height adjusted perfectly to suit the associate's stubby frame. The dreaded slope arrived and a knee-jerk brake was employed. The car let out a frantic shriek, even slipped back a bit but the instructor's expression remained deadpan throughout. The ordeal ended and we proceeded towards the H task.

The H task, we were told, was supposed to be the easiest of the three. First drive straight, perform an angular reverse and you're done. We hoped there would be no instructor around this time and we'll have a better vehicle too if we're lucky. As one progressed in the queue ,one could hear the choicest Marathi expletives being hurled at clueless drivers . I felt particularly jittery. Paritosh seemed fine to others but I could clearly see through the facade he was trying to put up. Chewing gum aggressively, fixing his hair for no good reason; textbook signs of his building anxiety. We entered the car. We indeed got a better vehicle, but the instructor stayed put, this time a paan-chewing specimen. He impatiently barked instructions, ensuring a deathly silence for the rest of the test.

With two tests now done and dusted and the clock just striking 11.30 am, we still felt as if we had gotten ourselves a steal deal. Alas! the associate arrived with some bad news this time round . A mini half hour break had been announced out of the blue which meant a long nerve-racking wait. After an exasperating hour, we were summoned for our final assessment. While in the queue, we were served an extraneous dose of entertainment. Checking the documents of a certain member of our batch, the associate suddenly lost his cool and launched them at his face(apparently the cause of his frustration was an incorrect stapling of papers, which was, in fact, his own fault). Shocked and enraged at this treatment, the adversary demanded a refund and threatened to call his 'contacts'. What he actually did was simply throw the papers back at the associate, in conformity with Newton's Third Law of Motion. Finally after a heated argument, temporary truce was established . I felt much better, high- pitched public arguments(or "Raadas" as we lovingly call them) always make my serotonin levels shoot through the roof.

The '8' test commenced. People were hyping this one since the very start as it was known to involve fancy stuff like sensors and overhead cameras for evaluation. Surprisingly, it was fairly straightforward and we scaled it in no time. The associate, now wearing a much more solemn expression (courtesy Newton's disciple) handed over the receipts without a word and even let out a half-smile of acknowledgement. I stared at my watch in disbelief, it was 2pm already, which meant we had been held captive for 6 hours!(I wish I was exaggerating :/ ) Thoroughly jaded and sleepy on our way back, only an endless loop of "Brown Munde" somehow made it all seem worth it.